Effective Management Magic Tips

1. Seldom give me work in the morning. Always wait until four:00pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it is a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it is going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling someone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when anyone asks where you are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I am not here for the money anyway.

5. In the event you give me over job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am liking being a psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work. 

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. In the event you don't like my work, tell everyone. I am liking my name to be popular in conversations. I was one time born to be whipped.

9. In the event you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is  done. No use confusing me with useful knowledge.

10. Seldom introduce me to the people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Tell me all of your small issues. No else has any and it is lovely to know anyone is less lucky. I like the story about having to pay a lot taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a nice manager.